This morning I stopped at Starbucks, saw that Komodo Dragon was the day’s decaf coffee, and walked out.

Komodo Dragon is strong, evil stuff, concocted in the labyrinths of Mordor. My fear is that it will eat through my plastic mug, through the cup holder, and through the floorboard, like alien acid blood. This could actually happen.

So I opted to stop at the Java Hut in Roanoke, on the way to work. They actually have very good coffee.

Tonight I wrapped a present using Christmas paper which, on the back side, had a printed grid. It was easy, with scissors, to cut a square piece out simply by following the lines. I don’t know where Pam found this roll of Christmas paper, but I love it.

This is one of the greatest inventions in the annals of Christmasdom, and should become a requirement for all Christmas paper, even if it requires an act of Congress. Such is the depth of my feeling about this.

It’s a sad, sad day in my gloriously all-Macintosh world. Justin Long is the “Mac Guy” in those fabulous Apple ads that leave both PC and Mac guys in stitches (well, at least all Mac guys, plus PC guys with a sense of humor–and they do exist, though not in overwhelming quantities).

However, though Apple is making more of those ads, Justin Long won’t be in them. In my world, this is worse news than the Democrats capturing both houses of Congress. But according to a rep, “Justin’s a movie star, not a commercial guy.” Well la-de-da.

Regardless of any misplaced hubris on Justin Long’s part, I mourn his departure. He and John Hodgman (PC Guy) were perfect together. I can’t imagine anyone else taking his place. But then…Apple doesn’t produce lame commercials. Whatever they come up with, it’ll be good.

Here’s something of extreme cosmic importance which I just learned and feel an urgent need to record on my blog to alert the world’s English speaking population and Trivial Pursuit players everywhere. It concerns the “Happy Birthday” song. Seems someone holds the copyright on it and makes $2 million a year in royalties. Whenever it’s sung on TV (like the Tonight Show) or in a movie or some other public venue, they get some money. Which is why, in restaurants, when waiters and waitresses (annoyingly) sing to people with birthdays, they use some other song. The song was written by two sisters in the 1860s, was first published in a songbook in 1893, and was finally copyrighted in 1934. Are you not excrutiatingly grateful to Yours Truly for telling you about this?

On Tuesday night, as I rested between ping pong matches (yes, it’s necessary to rest), Gary told me he was having a hard day. Gary, who does computer trouble-shooting for the school system, said he got a new PC at home and taught his wife how to use it. The problem, he explained with a grimace, is that she’s far from computer savvy. He came home to find the new computer in some kind of infinite rebooting loop, which required all of his computer prowess to fix. Fixing his wife’s non-computer savvy would prove more difficult.

I then told Gary that I couldn’t relate, because I’m a Mac user, to which he said, “My condolences.” I told him that we primitives don’t know anything about infinite rebooting loops; the very concept is absent from our universe. Typical interaction between PC and Mac users.

Apple has begun using Intel chips in Macs. I told Gary that we Mac users have always felt left out, because we don’t get the viruses which the PC world takes for granted. At social gatherings, PC guys discuss pitched battles with invasive viruses and having their DSL connections hijacked, and exhilarating stuff like that which can inspire pack grunting. Meanwhile, we Mac users stand idly by, bearing nothing to contribute to the conversation. We twiddle our thumbs, feeling excluded. It’s not a good feeling. How we have desperately yearned to experience the worms and viruses which everyone else experiences in such resplendently diverse glory.

Now, with Intel chips in our computers, we Mac users can actually boot our Macs using Windows XP, which is, of course, an unimaginable dream come true. And in the process, we could potentially become privy to the viruses which the rest of the world has come to enjoy and appreciate, not to mention the crashed networks, missing drivers, and so much more which colors that side of the fence with multi-hued greenery. The very thought of the adventures to come makes me salivate all over my keyboard. Excuse me while I locate a towel.

Of course, it won’t work that way. We may bring the viruses to our computers, but they won’t do anything sinister. They’ll be impotent. And so, we remain non-combatants, relegated to the rear-guard of the infection wars. But at least this gave me a talking point with Gary. I don’t feel as excluded as I did before.

By the way, I love the new “Get a Mac” ad series from Apple. There are six ads. I’ve only seen one on TV, but all can be viewed onscreen with Quicktime or downloaded. I especially like the one on viruses.